Meet my deadbeat Dad

Meet Stephen James Fountaine: Professional liar, thief, and absconder of the law.

Now the unfortuniate fact is this SOB is my biological father. To understand why I drive so hard for a father to “own up”, I must start at the beginning….

1977
Late 70’s… My Mother is 21 years old, in the Army, pregnant, and married to my dad Stephen, who is also in the Army. One day, dear old dad decides he doesn’t like the way my 6 to 7 month pregnant mother’s bean soup tasted, so he decided to show his disapproval by kicking her belly, causing her to go into labor with me way too early.
What a way for a mom and daughter to meet… under the act of violence by the hand of the father.

Flash forward 4 years. It’s the 80’s.
Mom and Dad are divorced. Dad bailed, leaving my mom with a huge debt she didn’t create, and alone with a child.
My dad cons people for money, claiming his sweet daughter has died and he has no money to pay for a burial. Then, he vanishes for years, popping up once when he landed himself in jail for a number of outstanding issues.

The hardships and traumas my mom had already experienced in those short four years would have killed a lesser person.
She survived being raped while I slept in the next room. She survived a break in to our home, while a naked masked man held her and threatened to kill her 3 year old child (me) who was crying next to her.

Where was the man who called himself my father? Why wasn’t he there to protect me and my mom?
Crazy as it sounds, despite all that is thrown at her she still manages to be a strong and wonderful mom who never gives up.
Thank you for teaching me early that if you fall down and get hurt…………………………

Pick yourself back up and try again…:)

My mom made every single birthday special. Christmas day was never a disappointment. I was, and am, loved by the most amazing woman in the world.

My mom and I have had our ups and downs in our relationship, as do most mothers and daughters. Now, as an adult, I can truly see my mom for the woman she is, and be grateful to her for all her sacrifices. I am lucky that the woman who gave me life is such a fighter.


I want to thank my mom. Without you, I wouldn’t have the courage to create Saudi Children Left Behind.
To Stephen Fountaine: Thank you for never sending me a card, even on my birthday…. CHUMP!!!!
We made it with out you!!!!

20 Comments

20 thoughts on “Meet my deadbeat Dad

  1. Anonymous

    I Love you and have always loved you! You are an amazing woman Jenniffer! It is sad but also our source of strength, our pasts, but never forget I LOVE YOU BAMBINO!
    Momms

  2. bigstick1

    Your mother is quite a survivor. You carry issues about your father still. This will taint how you chose men and the type of men who you allow into your life if you don’t deal with the past.

    • I agree with you bigstick1 I most definitely harbour bad feelings towards my father. That is why I fight so hard for these these young men to own up. The damages a completely non existent father can do is some what apparent in my case. I am quite lucky that my son has a father that loves him as if he was his son but someday I will have to answer to my son and I know I do not have the answers to the questions he will ask.

      My mother is a great woman who taught me to be strong and I thank her for that. It is just so unfortunate that I have questions for my own father that I might not ever get to ask. He has no idea the pain he has caused and I hate him for it. How can I ever prevent my own son from feeling such resentment when I still have anger for his father.
      The problem seems to be me in how I can not understand how a parent can just chose not to be involved I will never get that.
      Bigstick1 I always feel somewhat grounded (in a good way) after chatting with you and I have always taken what you say to heart any ideas on how someone is able to move on from the years of pain? I have always tried to use the fact that my own father was not around as something that gave me my fight. I do however see how it has hurt me. I just don’t want my own little boy to ever feel such hate towards someone they have never met, my little boy is just like me and I mean he is my little mini me in every way. How do I help him if I have been unable to help myself?

      • I like u & ur mother

        i like u.
        i felt really sorry for the hardship ur mother and ur past u.
        such an emotion 😦

        i really feel for u but i have to be a lil selfish and defend myself and my culture.

        is ur father a saudi ? is the naked masked man rapist a saudi ? they brought u such hardship but no one tried to shame there culture for it. the reason i said all that is because ur blogs and the reply’s carried insult to us even if it was not ur intention. but u still approved them right ?

        the only thing to take a stand and say who is right or worng on this was it mutual? did u involve the boyfriend in the decision of getting pregnant ? if not he is not to be blamed coz no one ( find herself pregnant ).

        sorry to bring my feelings into this blog i feel this is a space for ur own feelings especially this one.

        wish u all the best

  3. bigstick1

    You must first accept what and who he is and then forgive him. Yes, far easier said than done. However, it isn’t about him. It is about you and your family. He has already squandered his chance. Don’t let your life have such a shadow hanging over it either from him or your former.

    You must realize that many people are the product of their upbring and for many it is a cycle that they cannot escape. Image what type of life they really have……….it is not one of peace or enjoyment but of clamity, upheaval, fear, insecurity, hate, loathing, paranoia, and despair. This is just a few examples. They live in their own created world of self-abuse to which they continually destroy relationships and ties. If anything you should pity these people but even that is a waste of your time and energy that would be best spent on those who truly desire your presence in their lives.

    Ask youself this, would you have really wanted this person in your life as he was? Remember, he will never be in real life what you have created in your mind. That person doesn’t exist and never did. That is where your angry begins and understand this will help in ending your angry.

    No not an overnight process. Lots of work involved. I should know, I too grew up with an absent father. When he was around he was often drunk and abusive. I hated him for just as many reasons that you hate yours. It took awhile, lots of classes in psychology and understanding his side of the family to fully comprehend (as much as any child could of their parents) why he develop the way he had. It was during my late 20’s and early 30’s that I really began working on the issues. He died in his 50’s due to his life choices and complete resolution will never really be achieved but I find myself appreciating that fact as I age and I have found peace in it. For when the resolution has been achieved I will cease to exist.

    So I like to say I am a work in progress as everyday I learn more about myself and the trama of children which create such parents.

    Think about what I have wrote. Remember, you can always email me.

    I hope this helps somewhat. 😀

    Remember in life there are few easy fixes and that is okay.

  4. Jen

    Um…This post is supposed to be about the father of your saudi child. But still its a great story and your mom is a brave woman masha’Allah.

  5. bigstick1

    Jen:

    Interesting that you fail to see the connection of this event and why she decided to start this blog as it is the abandonment of her Father which leaves her distressed and concerned for her child. She has provided you with a link of understanding of the damage that can be done to children both in the longing to know their parent and the heartbreak in believing how little they were thought of by someone they most hoped to know and love.

    Now that link is brought full circle with her child but it has a cultural acceptance as well as a safe haven which has created further damage to women and children. So in this post she attempts to convey the damage, the psychology issues and the anger from a child’s point of view with an adult’s voice. This is done to assist the reader to fully understand the plight of abandon children and then to show how this particular culture further compounds the damage.

    Above all else it provides insight about the author and her humanity.

    I must also correct you on your statement as well. The post is not supposed to be about the father of her saudi child. It is about her and her child and the journey that lead to this point. It is about the CHILD and future children and the potential damage. It is about addressing what you can with what you have experienced to elevate to the best of your ability as a parent the pain and longing. It is about finding like people, with like issues and having support in a common injustice.

  6. والله حرام ويا ليت تنشري معلومات عنه اكبر لأن صورته باين انها بـ تسعينيات الحين تلاقيه شايب ولا تلاقيه من مدراء ارامكو هههههههه

  7. Abu Ammar - Yasser

    wow . what a touching story .. there is a lot of sadness in the world …. the moment people don’t fear their creator, and they do as they wish, en-balance happen in everything, in relation, in health, in all of life.

  8. Najma

    God bless you and your mother.

  9. abu abdullah

    The question is what does your story have to do with Saudi fathers? Unless you want to prove to us that this kind of behaviour can come from saudis and non saudis alike. You proved it. Here is a very typical american man yet commits in such an unhumane manner.
    Good luck

    • It really has nothing to do with Saudi fathers. It reflects my feelings about being abandoned by my own father as a child. Waiting and hoping every birthday and Christmas that I would finally get a card from my father explaining why he left. The torment and anguish one feels when their father abandons them can be unbearable for a child this is a pain I know all to well. I know the pain my son will face as he gets older and starts asking questions as to why does my daddy hate me?
      That pain is one of the reasons I created this site in the first place so it is only fitting that the readers understand my own background as a child who was abandoned and the pain that causes.

  10. Hadi alyami

    I ,Ask about Mana Hanish al Mansour Alyami from a Saudi father and an American mother from Pennsylvania if any one knows about it something tells me via email.

  11. Hadi

    I ,Ask about Mana Mishari Hanish al Mansour Alyami from a Saudi father and an American mother from Pennsylvania if any one knows about it something tells me via email.

  12. Faisal M.

    you’re truly and amazing person and your mom is nothing but a perfect mom. I really wish you both an ever lasting happiness. Life needs more fighters, you’re really inspiring and amazing! God bless you both, you and your mom.

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