Fear, Loathing, and Saudis in America

People fear a lot of different things. Some things I understand, and some I don’t. I can see where someone might be afraid of spiders, or of being in a large crowd of people, or even one of my personal phobias, flying. But until recently, I had never feared being alone. Then my life changed forever.

I got involved with a Saudi man a few years ago. The relationship developed, and before long, I was pregnant. Not that it was something I had planned for, but I knew immediately that I wanted to keep the child. When he found out, he suddenly distanced himself. I found that he no longer wished to be seen with me, and that he only stopped by late at night to speak to me on the odd occasion. Before long, he had completely extracted himself from my life, leaving me with no one to speak to, no one to quell my sudden fears about the future, no one to hear my desperate frustration. Alone.

My family wasn’t exactly supportive of the relationship when it was going well, and the turn for the worse only seemed to give them justification to use words like “comeuppance” and “just desserts”….hurtful by any stretch, but especially from the people that are supposed to be your lifeline in times of need. So instead of speaking to anyone, I sat. Alone in my office. Away from my children. Away from friends who wouldn’t understand. Away from strangers who would point and judge. Isolated. And that is when I truly learned to fear being alone.

Days went by as I listened to voices in my head that had come to replace the voices of others. Voices that yelled at me, insulted me, berated me for being so gullible. So naive. So easy to take advantage of. Voices that would never forgive me for bringing a completely innocent child into a world where his father wanted nothing more than to be thousands of miles away from him. Night after night these strangers in my head would tear me down, sapping my energy, my will, and making it so hard to wake up in the morning that sometimes I wished the dawn would simply never come.

I don’t know exactly what it was that gave me direction again. Perhaps my anger for the man who had abandoned me and my child. My desire to push forward and put this part of my life into a dark corner, never to be revisited. My need to take care of my kids. Or maybe something else. But whatever it was, it was enough to push me to get answers. Information. Because there was no way in hell my child should suffer just because a sperm donor with piss poor judgement decided to miss out on the life of a wonderful child. No way.

The next few weeks went by fairly quickly. There were calls made to the local college, the embassy, doctors, and any friends who were still around to listen. My fear of being alone had been replaced by a fear of what could happen to my child if he didn’t have financial support, or family medical records available. And so I made calls. And I searched. And emailed. And called some more. The internet became my one stop source for any kind of help I could get my hands on. And then….a funny thing happened. I found a blog written by a woman with strikingly similar circumstances to my own. And then I found another. And another. And suddenly, all the fear I felt was replaced with something quite different. Anger. Anger at what was apparently closer to an epidemic than an isolated problem. So I let the anger fuel me, and I redoubled my efforts.

My son is 2 years old now. He has a smile that could light up a room, and is smarter than I could have ever imagined. I don’t have as much anger left for that Saudi man any more, simply because I feel pity for him whenever I watch my little boy run and play. He is a joy to behold, and anyone who would deprive themselves of that simply does not know what they are missing. Moreover, I don’t fear being alone anymore, because during all my research, I was able to communicate with several other women who were in the same situation I was.  As silly as it sounds, even though we were miles, sometimes even oceans apart, we shared a common bond. And we had all persevered through it and come out stronger. I am sharing this with you because I know what the fear of being alone can do to someone in that situation. It can cripple you. It can paralyze you. And it can make your life a living hell from the moment you wake up until the moment when your last ounce of strength has been used up, and you expire at night. I am here to say that if you are reading this, you have no reason to feel that way. Ever. You are not alone. There are many of us, and we are all willing to help, to have our voices heard, and to say to whoever will listen that we are many, we are united, and we will never live in fear again.

119 Comments

119 thoughts on “Fear, Loathing, and Saudis in America

  1. I’m an American woman with a Saudi son, and I’ve spent half of my life in the Middle East… and my permanent home is in Saudi Arabia.
    As terrible as this may sound, your child is better off without a Saudi father around. The majority of Saudi men are ruthless. And those from SW Saudi Arabia are the worst (e.g. Asiri’s and so on). I learned the hard way, and lost my youth and almost three decades trying to figure out Saudi men…to which there is NO answer. Do yourself and your child a favor…and move on. That is the best thing you can do for your own well being. And the best thing you can do for your son is to find a good man (non Saudi) who will accept him as his own child. Good luck.

    • I completely agree that my son is better off not having his biological father in his life. The kind of person he turned out to be brings me such sorrow and shame.
      I have been blessed with a (non saudi) husband who loves my son just as if he was his own flesh and blood. As to moving on I do believe to many women do just sit back and accept that the biological father wont be involved whatsoever.
      In the cases involving Saudi men on a student visa having relationships getting women pregnant and abandoning them,it is slightly different because none of them were married. If we just move on these men learn nothing and makes us women look weak.

    • advisor

      deb can you please get in touch with me..regene999@hotmail.com

    • Aamaal

      I feel sad for what happened to you.
      I hope God helps you.
      I would like to tell you that Saudi’s men are more men of the world dirt and malignancy.
      And they looking to Women only as fun for them.
      As Saudi women we suffers a lot from them and they do the same with us . They are liars and demons and selfish.

      God bless continue they deserve .
      I wish you success.

      • Alraddadi

        Don’t generalize Aamaal.. yes there are Saudi men’ doing like these bad deeds but not all of them. the mentality of Saudi men differs from region to another.. family to another!

      • Alotaibi

        There are more American guys who left there child behind than Saudi’s. More than 45 person of American women are single.

      • Where are your statistics. That has to be the stupidest comment….go away troll

      • Fahda

        I am a Saudi girl and i totaly agree with you,, Saudi men have an evil way of thinking and dont care about ANYTHING what so ever but them selves and they should be punished REAL HARD in order to relise their actions!

      • Fahda

        To whoever created this website/blog :

        YOU SHOULD POST WARNINGS AROUND ARIAS THAT SAUDI LIVES IN CUZ THEI’RE DIRTY LITTLE ANIMALS WITH NO BRAINS ^_^ !! and thats coming from a Saudi girl trust me i know how these little piese of shi** act and i blame you for such a baaad taste in men … and BTW their REALLY good at talking they will convince that thei’re angles but there not so just stay AWAY from them and warn the others^_^ …!! Bye .

      • Men in general should come with a warning attached.

      • Al

        Your comment shows only, hatred, ignorance and lies! I’m a Saudi man, and there’s not the tiniest bit of anything you said that applies to me and a lot of Saudis that I know!!!

        Get a life, and if you’re week to let someone take advantage of you, then….. Well, it’s your own damn fault!!!

    • this is racist

      no words for u. ” racist”.
      but still i believe this never happens in any part of the world no ?
      try to figure urself not them coz u came to a different culture if it is not for u don’t through these racist words against them.

      i wish u all the best i hope u rid ur heart of such hatred.

      • Mar

        Dear, the thing its any part of the world a religion is as COMPUSLORY as it is in Saudi Arabia.I was envolved in a relationship with a Saudi, and sadly I realized all saudi student one of their main porpuse was have sex with…whoever they could.I have ever felt more like a piece of meat.Once I did not if I was pregnan from him.He tells me that the better for the two of us was to take an abortion.CAN YOU BELIVED??? You Saudis are suppose to be an example for the Beauty and the perfection of Islam…no a blond wester who you dislike too much.Thank God this men cursed me because of my religion point of view and it was the moment when I started to move on.I CONGRATULATE THE CORAGE OF THIS WOMEN.

    • Ur racist and rude “generalizing” that bad description on most of us Saudi men. Did marry to 20 million Saudis or it was just person?! Racial and regional slurs r total ignorance too. If i were in that looser shoes i will accept the reality and raise my kid with love i mean he is my Blood n Flesh what wrong with some so called men! Take the responsibility for ur mistakes! The women burden part of it. Its her mistake too but at the end of they day both must stand together
      as grown up wise adult and sacrify their personal life preferences for the sake of providing such a love-full happy life environment for their kid. Sorry for my bad english i used translator for some words.

    • Abdulaziz Al-Assiri

      So wonderful to judge people , yes i agree with you about these fathers who banded their children . But , disagree about judging people by saying ” And those from SW Saudi Arabia are the worst (e.g. Asiri’s and so on).” i’m from their and i would never do something like this . So please don’t judge on people cause of 2 or 1000 persons did awful things like this .

      Thanks ,,,

    • Belinda

      Assalam Alaikum…..I am a 52 yr. old woman who is American and Muslim and I don’t understand all this forum? What makes these men any worse than the American men that abandon their children? You act like this is something that has never happened before here in America. You knew when you laid with these men that there was a chance this could happen. Who was the one responsible for the birth control? It all boils down to they are Saudi and they are wealthy. My Saudi man is the greatest. I live in the US and he lives in KSA. Between his first wife and me we have 12 children. We are all one big happy family. I am sorry all of you were misled.

      • Cory

        The one responsible for the birth control is the man using a condom and the woman taking the pill, so both are responsible. What a stupid question! this is not about getting pregnant, its about how they treat women like a bag of shit and leave their children behind. American men and Canadian men may leave their children but at least if they work the governments will make them pay. These scum bag Saudi’s go back to their country and never look back, and never for one second think about the struggle. Yes I can say whatever I want because I also have experienced it first hand. when you hear your child crying at night for his dad, then make opinions!!

      • Salima Al-Hamid

        It seems the Saudi men have created an epidemic because of their horrible morals!

    • moe

      Hello,I have no idea how i stumbled upon here.But after i read your comment it would seem compulsory to replay.
      Yes their have been some sad stories like these going on,and yes their are some horrible morally ill people from saudi arabia.Now note in my comment i said “some” not “all” and to make a big generalization as to the point of singling out a whole region like assir(which yes i happen to be from) and say”HEY,everyone becareful from those guys from the south they are all bad and horrible and sex driven”.Thats like me saying “HEY,becareful from all American women as they are all after your money”.that is a huge politically wrong generalization and you should know better.
      Though i do agree with you that some not all do have a screwed up mentality and when push comes to shove they will be the first to turn tail and run.
      To break it up mentalities differ from region to region,from city to city, from village to village all the way from house to house.After all these country was just sand and fire 40 years ago and suddenly cities poped out.Does it need some time to catch up?yes the west wasent built in one day nor do expect people to rush and “catch up with the world”.Give it a generation or two things.

    • Dana

      I would love to be able to talk to you Deb. danasharon123@hotmail.com

    • Mina

      Hi just certain cultures even though people might be nice and educated have almost imppssible dand fpr their son to marry and i think guys must be scarred to say to confornt their family because of one relationship that they didnt take seriously.But desteny is desteny and maybe Allah made it that way for the best!Remember he the Almighty will save you from difficult marriages in laws and difficult life abroad where you are not accistumed to live!Also man in such cultures believe their wife should bend herself according to his family even if it costs her her whole life!So I believe maybe Allah also protected you in a way!May he be Exalted and may we prey just to Him and no other!

  2. desert rose

    do you have a personal email address i can contact you with some suggestions?

  3. Fawad

    Its great to know that you are moving on and not harboring resentment, nothing good comes out of it. At some point you have to let go of past and look towards the future.

    I wish you and your son the best of luck for future and I hope you get all the happiness in life.

    • Thank you for your kind words. I try to take it day by day and I know that I am blessed that I get to see my sons smiling face every day, I will never forget how lucky I am.

  4. Aziz Al-Sager

    I am the son of a Saudi who was on a student visa and left when I was two months old. I found my father one year ago through Facebook and he claims that he has been looking for me my whole life but I don’t feel that way. He will speak to me and then I won’t hear from him for over a month. When we do talk and if I get upset he hangs up and doesn’t speak to me for awhile like he is punishing me. I don’t know what to do because my whole life I looked for my father and now that I have found him its much worse than when I just imagined him. It’s hard to be of Saudi heritage living in America and to not know where you come from and then to have a father who casts you aside like you are nothing.

    • Sara

      I have a daughter from a saudi and would love to talk to other mum’s who have mixed race kid’s, i mean half saudi kids… please pass emails to me if u intrested in chatting… Thank’s

      • Hello Sara feel free to contact me any time. My email is saudi_children_left_behind@hotmail.com. You can also reach most of us on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/SaudiChildrenLeftBehind

      • Sara

        salam Alaikum.. love your story 🙂 i find offense if somebody generalizes; not all Saudies are like that Yes, i have to say some can be unbelievable but not always.I’m an American Saudi I was raised in Saudi Arabia with my dad who is Saudi & he loves me so much I can’t describe his care for me: ) I also meet a lot of women who are involved with Saudies & their men treat them well mashallah.. point is when a person is a real muslim, he realizes that he or she has a responsibility to take because Islam always encourages good behavior (Islam is perfect, Muslims are not) thanks again would love to chat
        My email sa20006ra@gmail.com

      • Ash

        Hi Sara, I’m interested. Please be in touch.
        Please email me: ajmarti2@mail.usf.edu

    • Princess

      I went through the same thing and am still dealing with the same thing. I had accepted him out of my life growing up but always wondering what he thought of me or if he missed me. When we were “reunited” through Facebook 3 years ago, I was met with a huge emotional rollercoaster I had never expected. But I feel I am the “shiny new toy” that has lost it’s luster already. He rarely calls and when he does he is judgmental and always putting me down or asking me a million questions about my marriage or things I don’t feel are valid. He gets on me for not opening up to him and not always calling him. He never calls me! I am the one who has to put out all of the effort. I have 8 siblings as well I was warmly welcomed to that I have now pretty much been left out to dry. It has unleashed a whole plethora of emotions I wasn’t really prepared to deal with or I even knew existed previously. I am not sure what was the better road for me but I am saddened to hear this has happened to so many others. I know how these men speak. I can see how American women are sucked in. I wish there was some warning without coming across prejudice but I feel American women should be warned. Good luck to you.

    • JJ

      Hi,
      I would really like to get in touch with you
      Please email me on g00025327@alumni.aus.edu

  5. Mohsen

    Hi, I feel sorry and sad for your situations. I can’t imagine how careless those men were!! Anyway, I’m Saudi and I really want to do you a favor and help you. I’m going to talk to an orgnization in order to take an action. At least they would give you a financial help to raise your innocent children.

    Mohsen,

  6. Anonymous

    Hi, Muhsin as much as most of us on this forum hate to act like we need financial for our kid’s the bitter reality is dat we desprarately need it, so please let us know what the orginization say’s once u’ve spoken to them….

  7. Mohammed

    Hello
    I am Mohammed from Saudi Arabia
    Do not speak English well, I use google translator
    And I’m very sorry for what happened to you and your son
    These people do not represent the Saudi people
    And if you want any help, “Saudi authorities numbers .. Ministry of the Interior and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs
    Or daily headlines for publication
    I’m ready for it

  8. Anonymous

    I know how hard to raise a child without a father. Especially in America. I hope his father realize that , and may God grant you patience and help to raise your child and i can assure that your child will return the favor when he became a grown man God willing.
    Ali Saudi student Canada

  9. Tallal

    As much as this might sound like a joke, but have you contacted the Saudi Human rights org?

    • Salima Al-Hamid

      There is no such thing actually, just an organization with a name with ‘human rights” in it but actually is an apolgist for the racist and immoral KSA government. Oh, yes there used to be another one but they had to move to Cairo, and then Arab Spring happened and they closed. Don’t look for human rights at all in KSA

  10. Anonymous

    I am really sorry for your pain and suffers. I am a Saudi guy who feels ashamed of the actions taken by these irresponsible and bad guys. I don’t think they have human feelings at all! How could someone leaves his family behind and lives in peace with himself!! Publishing your stories on this blog and social networks websites is the first step in right direction to get your and your sons’ rights. Such blogs will make these guys and who tends to do the same to think many times before taking irresponsible actions. Hopefully this makes them fear that their relatives or friends know what they did. I hope you continue your efforts to raise your concerns to organizations that might help in your situations; such as:

    1- Awasser (ArabIc word for connectIons) Organization:  The job of this organization is to resolve the issues of Saudi families or sons who have been left by their fathers outside KSA. You can give it a try although the English version of this website is not yet finished. This is the link:
    http://www.awasser.org.sa/index.php?page=home

    2- National Society for Human Rights in SA
    nshr.org.sa

    3- Ministry of Interior:
    http://www.moi.gov.sa

    Or it would be better to talk to any organizations in the US that could help in raising your concerns.

    Here are some advices for girls who want to make relationship with a Saudi guy:
    1- Never ever trust a Saudi guy who wants to get laid before marriage. He will leave you at the end and look for another girl who didn’t have any relationships to marry her. This is part of his core values that he wants to marry from a girl who never had relationship before.
    2- You might trust the guy who asks you for marriage in order to continue the relationship and before having sex although you need to be very careful. As I said, you have to be careful before moving on because there are some guys who ask for marriage while they keep in minds to get the divorce before leaving your country. Strange hah! Your surprise will go away if you know that there are some stupid guys who follow the words if some corrupted “Shaiks” or “Muotua” or “Religious men”. Some of those religious men say it is Ok for men who travel outside to get married while they secretly plan to divorce at the end in order to avoid getting laid without marriage. I know this sounds insane but we have lots of those fucked up idiots and we live in a fucked up society that take its values from bad and inherited habits. We young people will try to fix this but we don’t know when we can succeed.
    3- Try to use Google to know about the values of other partner’s society before taking the high risk of continuing relationship.
    4- What is the harm of keeping the relationships limited only on guys who lives the same values and believes as yours? Believe me they are many. They are more handsome in your eyes than the expat!
    5- If you need final advice, try to avoid getting married from a Saudi guy even If he  Is honest because it is rarely you can find one who accepts to stay out of Saudi forever. He will bring you to Saudi and you will get social shock. As western girls, you will never ever like to live in KSA. Every thing here is totally different than what you used to live with. Believe me we even Saudi young people hate living in such no-freedom and less-rights country but we don’t have choice. This is our country and we have obligations and commitment to fix things up.
    6- As a third party observer, you girls also could be blamed to what happened because you just move blindly with your desires without thinking of consequences. You didn’t try to minimize the risk!

    Before wrapping up I want to comment on Dep’s comment. You don’t have the right to blame most Saudis especially the SW part of it because I am living there and know exactly the situation better than you. You should blame your husband and yourself for getting married. It is so obvious that most marriages containing partners from totally different world will not work well. You simply run behind your desires while you have other choices to fulfill them and you blamed whole society for your mistakes!! I will not think to get married from non-Arabic women not because the rest are not good but because our society values are different and the chance the marriage fail is very high. So obvious so simple. So please try to be responsible for your actions and be logical in judging others.

    • advisor

      like all of this advice..wishing you a successful marriage..lucky girl to get such an enlightened guy..saudi and western cultures very difficult to mix.bravo

      • i am angry

        don’t think so, i think ur wrong coz humans are the same all over the world the real problem is some of those girls tried willingly to get pregnant ( no one can deny it ) maybe to bind the boyfriend by his coming child as she knows he will return to his country. ( love or taking advantage reason ).

        there is a million ways not to get pregnant unless the girls decided it i think.
        who said it was mutual decision? the girls should not plan this alone and blame the guy who was victim of there poor judgment and planning this is a dangerous immoral game.

        sure it is not always the case but u have to agree that there is some of the cases here would fall in this category.

        and the naming and trying to blame a society and a culture and to tag them i did not see that anywhere like ( Italian in Americas)
        i have never read a title like i had a son with a french or Italian guy and he did not want it and left me alone lets group and make a blog about Italian or french men, if there was i would like to read it plz.

        i sympathize with the child’s and some of the girls who did not plan this alone behind there boyfriends and try to get advantage but i am really angry of so much of what is going on ur site that would cost u ur case in the eyes of the public u have no right to talk about us like that.

  11. ريم

    وش يحس فيهه ذا ؟؟؟

  12. نوش

    قققلت ادددددددددب والللهه !

  13. khalid

    صدق بزارين وخذو بعثات … والله لو اني مسئول في السعودية لاجيب ذا البزر الي تزوج ونطل ولده مع ذا اكفار واجلده قدام الناس لين يعض الارض … قليل الحياء

    • Bandaroza

      اكيد لازم البزر ينجلد لين يصير رجال لكن اللي ضحكني اول تعليق من وحده امريكيه تقول انها عاشت نص عمرها في السعوديه وقالت ان اخس الناس هم اللي عايشين في الجنوب… هههه والله ماالومها حنا لين الان نعاني منهم

      • Abdulaziz Al-Assiri

        حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل
        انسان عنصري

  14. Hello everyone. I would like to thank you all for taking the time to view the blog and make comments. Those who posted in Arabic I am working on getting them translated to I can reply properly so if you don’t see your comment listed it will be approved as soon as I can get it translated.

    First off I want to thank all those who have been supportive and sent messages offering help. Words can not express how grateful I am for all of your kind words. You have shown the world that there are wonderful people in Saudi Arabia. and you all are proof that not all Saudi’s hateful.

    Now for all that have chose to be cruel and leave comments saying that we are whores and are blackmailing the men for money…..Well in what world do you live in where when a woman tries to find the father of her child it is blackmail? I do understand why some in your culture consider us whores, but thankfully I live in a free society where we don’t treat others in that manner.
    Any woman who is currently in a relationship with a Saudi man please know what you are up against. You will find wonderful people who will be supportive but on the flip side many will not approve and if you find yourself pregnant with a baby by a Saudi you might find yourself on the receiving end of these malicious comments.

    I created the blog so other women would never feel alone or have to stand up alone. Your cruel comments only make me stronger and show me and the world why it is so important for us to stand up together against all those that would curse us.

    Ladies be strong and don’t let the distastefull comments bother you use them as the fuel that keeps you going. Remember we are doing this for our children and in the end it will be worth all the pain we have endured.

    • it is not fair

      dear even in ur culture the child would be called a bastard and the mum would be called a whore ( for some people ).

      u say some girl would ( find herself pregnant ) do u hear urself? find herself?

      IT IS HER DOING AND PLANNING ( she should involve her boy friend in the decision of having a child ).

      plz it is the truth we can not hide it if u want him to be responsible for u and ur son u should always involve him in such big decision as ( finding urself pregnant ). otherwise it is ur soul decision and consequently ur responsibility alone to face the outcomes !

      i think this is only fair.

      but i really don’t want to see any girls get her heart broken coz i know how sensitive and fragile they are. but still nothing good comes from planning behind somebody else and involving him in ur plannings without him knowing.

      • Cari Mokrani

        Huh- It s not fair. In current western society it is acceptable and even expected for women to date abd have relations before marriage. I am a western woman who is also a muslim. I met and married my muslim husband in the US and now live in North Africa. We are verymvery happy and expecting our 5th child. I find your remark about having these women “involve” their partner in their “decision” to get pregnant laughable. Are you suggesting that these men are unaware of the biology behind reproduction? When you have sexual relations with a woman you risk pregnancy- period. No birth control method short of sterilization is fullproof. The men involved in these relationships have fathered children and they are financially and morally responsible for them period. As Muslims they are responsibel for their actions to an even greater degree than the mushrikun who carry their children. It is NORMAL behavior in her culture- but NOT in YOURS. Also- lets not ignore the deceptive nature of these relationships in many cases. The man often does many things that signal to a western woman and her family that he is serious about her and her welfare. He meets her parents and family and spends time with them. He makes a home with her. It is completely unnacceptable behavior. I agree that many men of many cultures abandon their children. I would love to see all fathers made responsible for the support of their children- regardless of where they come from. Gentlemen- if you fear allah and the last day acknowledge and support your children. Period.

      • Al-Haqiqa As-S3ba

        Actually….

        Men can use condoms (كبوت) to stop getting women pregnant. Women can take birth control pills (حبوب مشان ما بصير ولد) to stop getting themselves pregnant.

        Sometimes – احيانا – condoms split during sex which can lead to unplanned pregnancy. Sometimes the birth control pills don’t work because they only work 98% of the time (so there is a 2% chance of pregnancy).

        Accidents – حوادث – happen by mistake.

        Sex before marriage with multiple partners is expected in America and most of the world, actually.
        عنجد، في اغلبية العالم الناس بيتوقع نيك مع اشخاس كتير قبل الجواز…عادي

  15. S S S

    i feel so sorry for u guys.However, I will help u guys for anything you need!! just let me know what do u need and i will do my best .>>

  16. بنت ناس

    افضحوهم خذوا حقكم منهم ذولي عديمي المسؤولية ..

    • يعني البنت اللي اغرت الشاب ورضت انه يجامعها قبل الزواج وبدون ن واقي ماتحمل ولا واحد بالميه من المسؤولية؟ الحقد معمي عيونك يالفاشله كلهم الثنين مخطين وانا لو مكانه قسم بالله مخلي ولدي برضى بالواقع وبعيش سعيد بس قسم ماخلي ولدي يتيتم وانا عايش

    • أبو صالح

      هل فضحهم من شيمنا هل فضح من أخلاق المسلمين أنا لا أويد هؤلاء ولست معهم لا كن جلطتني كلمت فضحهم نحن مسلمون نستر ونقول الحق ونحكم بشرع الله

  17. Mat mutlaq

    Saudi people are smilier to other nations , saudies do not hold the responsibility for an amateur sexual experience that led to a child. Getting pregnant is 99 percent is the lady responsibility , do not have unprotected sex if you do care…people who got married are exceptional point of view.

    I am sorry that there are kids involve in this matter and they are the once who suffer .

    • Al-Haqiqa As-S3ba

      Mat,

      Men can use condoms (كبوت) to stop getting women pregnant. Women can take birth control pills (حبوب مشان ما بصير ولد) to stop getting themselves pregnant.

      Sometimes – احيانا – condoms split during sex which can lead to unplanned pregnancy. Sometimes the birth control pills don’t work because they only work 98% of the time (so there is a 2% chance of pregnancy).

      Accidents – حوادث – happen by mistake.

      Sex before marriage with multiple partners is expected in America and most of the world, actually.
      عنجد، في اغلبية العالم الناس بيتوقع نيك مع اشخاس كتير قبل الجواز…عادي

    • Mat you are mistaken, Both people involved in the sex act are committing zina and are responsible for the the outcome, Not just the woman, In fact other nations provide financial assistance to young mothers regardless of marital status based on need. They also pursue the fathers for reimbursement of that support, DNA testing is easy and accurate for determining paternity, Of course some people like to go abroad and drink take drugs and father illegitimate children and then put on their thobe and pop back home to Saudi to hide from the fallout of their behavior and pretend that they are righteous mature men, They only fool themselves,

  18. I really feel so sorry for what they did with you .
    How could they leave their kids fatherless!!!Godless!!
    this is really unbelievable and against Islam teachings.
    it’s true that the Saudi men are really ruthless because i live in Saudi since 7 years with my husband (non Saudi )

    umdeema.com

  19. wael

    im feeling shy for what they are doing right now i wish u can get what ur looking im sorry they are not mislam they very stobed

  20. Abdulrahman

    what they did id not acceptable, they have to back to them families. I am Saudi guy, in our habits, leaving your family and children like this is BIG SAHME.

  21. mostafa

    Ii want to ask American women .. is that marriage by Islamic way?
    maybe that help u to talk your rights.

    • Al-Haqiqa As-S3ba

      Mostafa,

      It doesn’t matter whether people are married or not or Muslim or not. In Western culture someone who is the father of a child has a responsibility to bring up his children. Not even money is necessary – simply being their and showing the child love and support.

      مو مهم إذا المرآة متزوجة والله لا. بالغرب الاب لازم يحمل المسؤولية للولد مع الأم…مو بس بحسب المصاري لكن مع حب والدعم العاطفي

  22. ربنا لا تأخذنا بمى فعل السفهاء منا

  23. Is it only Saudis who do that?
    are american people angles?
    go to one example of a black page and an ugly face of america

    http://uakoko.hubpages.com/hub/The-Forgotten-American-Children-Of-Vietnam

    America’s Disgrace—American Children Left Behind
    The Vietnam war dragged on for ten long years. During that time, American soldiers formed relatonships with Vietnamese women and, from those relationships, children were born.

    Then the unthinkable happened. Suddenly, the war was over, the Americans were hastily leaving, and North and South Vietnam were being reunited.

    But what about the children of the Americans who were being left behind—the Amerasians? As part of the American evacuation, Operation Babylift was planned to airlift 2000 orphans (a mere drop in the bucket) to America. The first planeload crashed, killing 144 people, most of them orphans. But the airlift went on for three more weeks without further tragedy.

    However, thousands of half Vietnamese half-American children were left behind. With their fathers ordered back home, who was left to protect their little children? The Vietnamese mothers, after their American protectors left, were almost all living in dire poverty. These women were forced to do what women have had to resort to through the millenia: find a husband to support them. These new husbands usually didn’t want their new wives’ funny-looking children. The children, with their round eyes and other markers of foreign parentage, were often abandoned at the doors of orphanages, or simply thrown out into the streets to fend for themselves.

    The Amerasian children grew up shunned by Vietnamese society. They were made fun of by other children, called “half-breed dogs” and other taunting names. They were often physically assaulted. Living on the streets as beggars, they weren’t able to attend school, and so faced the future as illiterate and unskilled adults.

    But in 1985, an American photographer on assignment in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) took a picture of a crippled Amerasian street boy which touched the hearts of all who saw it when it was published in newspapers around the United States. That picture led to the Amerasian Homecoming Act which was signed into law by President Ronald Reagan in 1987.

    Suddenly, all the formerly despised street children became pearls beyond price to the Vietnamese people. Because these children (who were now mostly in their twenties) were allowed to bring their relatives with them on their journeys to America, their former tormentors saw them as free tickets to the land where the streets were supposedly lined with gold. All at once the bewildered children found presents, money, and (best of all to the love-starved children) attention raining down upon them. Many succumbed to the blandishments and brought strangers with them to their new homeland, where they all came as immigrants, not as mere refugees. However, once in America, most of the new relatives deserted the kids. The long-suffering children once more found themselves on their own.

    Many of the Amerasian children did very well. Those who had been kept by loving birth families and who had learned to speak English took off like rockets, got themselves educations and good jobs. But many had a tougher row to hoe. Children who had grown up on the streets had trouble adjusting to structured environments. Street children who were placed in American foster homes had great difficulty in going to bed at a certain time, going to school at certain times and even having meals at certain times. There were many mental problems among the new immigrants, including many suicides. Growing up alone, unwanted and abused, it’s no wonder these young adults had trouble surviving in a strange land.

    Eventually, the successful newcomers banded together and formed societies, such as the Amerasian Fellowship Association which now help their less unfortunate compatriots and foster pride in their common origin. These societies hold sit-down dinners all around the country several times a year where Amerasians can meet and talk story with each other.

    The treatment of the half-American children left behind in Vietnam at the end of that pointless and wasteful war is a shameful blot on the history of the United States. In 1970, the U. S. Defense Department put out a statement, “The care and welfare of these unfortunate children…has never been and is not now considered an area of government responsibility”.

    Contrast this cold-hearted and unfeeling statement with the treatment that France accorded its half-French children when France was defeated at Dien Bien Phu in 1954 after a century of colonial rule of Vietnam. France immediately sent all of its children of mixed parentage back to France with the retreating French troops. And, unlike the Americans who only gave its children immigrant status, France gave all their children French citizenship in their new country. Those little children weren’t simply left defenseless and alone on the chaotic streets of a war-torn country to take care of themselves as the American children were. Disgrace, indeed!

    • Sat

      Hi Faroug,
      I am not happy with American soldiers’ crimes in Iraq, Afghanistan and many other countries but these crimes are irrelevant here.

      Additionally, these irresponsible guys are far more worse than their American counterparts because they came from a reserved country where a guy is not allowed have a friendship with a girl, not to mention intimate relationship.

      These girls have a right and they have stood up for their selves and children. The victims of American soldiers should do the same.

    • Al-Haqiqa As-S3ba

      Yep and that’s exactly why that website you referenced exists. No-one said American men are perfect on this blog. But this blog deals with this specific issue and that website deals with that specific issue.

  24. Sat

    Saudi students are not honest in their feelings. They just want to enjoy their time at the expense of other girls.

    On the other hand, the root problem still exists, American girls should understand that the consequences of a relationship with a man are serious.

    • Al-Haqiqa As-S3ba

      “American girls should understand that the consequences of a relationship with a man are serious.”

      Millions of people have relationships without getting pregnant. But accidents happen, with Saudis and without Saudis. Getting pregnant is not a reason to not have relationships – it’s just a reason for women AND men to be more careful when they have relationships and use proper protection.

      • a saudi man or not saudi has no right in islamic laws to have any relations with women outside of marriage. not all american women are whores. they are right there in saudi and everywhere in the arab world. i suggest you look around and admit the exact facts. for a man had relations with a woman outside of wedlock he will never enter paradise on his day of judgement , this goes for the woman also.

  25. ahmed

    I feel bad about what saudis have done to you moms. And I am telling you as a saudi it is so complicated when it comes to marrying a foreigner but i am not making this as an excuse of what the have done to you. i am absolutely sure if you communicated those saudis fathers or families back in KSA they will help you whether financially or emotionally. It is so easy to find them but yet you will have to prove that your children belong to these saudis. I can reach them easily if you want me to and i can also contact their families on the top of that i can let them understand the situation in their perspective . please do contact me on this e-mail( ahmed.ahmed3134@yahoo.com) .. best of luck

  26. AAAA

    These type of stories are heart breaking. Some of the comments made a point. Ladies have to be very careful of themselves in involving in such relationship whether with saudi males or others. Females should be very keen as they are the one losing and who suffer most?? the kids.. Fathers who left their kids is so unacceptable and i know anytime soon they have to answer our Almighty God for doing this.

  27. Left

    I think the point of this blog is being forgotten. The children should be the focus. Quit the bad mouthing and finger pointing. Ya we all know how babies are made. That’s not the point. Who did it and whose fault and all that mess is not the point. The point is that both parents should be responsible. Period.
    There should be some kind of international court system where you can file a complaint and DNA tests administered. If you are the father your child is registered in your country and you pay child suport as well as an option for the child to take the nationality.
    Before u start with the just looking for money bs it takes 2 to make a baby and both should share the responsibility and support. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A BABY.
    Before u start blaming and talking crap put yourself in the woman’s shoes. Imagine it was you. Really truly sit and think about it and if you still feel the same then you have no heart.

  28. The problem is most western women are so easy with lack of moral. Why would any woman want to sleep with men that are not married?? Course it takes 2 to do wrong. I bet none of you women bother to ask the man if he is married or not. Once a cheater always a cheater, For this man he will never enter paradise because he made that one mistake in sleeping with a woman that is not his wife. Don;t get me wrong, there also alot of arab women that cheats and have immoral acts outside of wedlock. of course this man not want to be seen with you when he discovered you are pregnant. There are many flying tongues and most Saudi families will kill there own flesh blood son for bring dishonor in his family. Only way to clean his family name is by making him history.

    • Ds

      Hold on, how do you know these girls did not get married? I got marry to a Saudi and have a child. Now he is not in the picture and plans to get marry again! the guy was single we did nothing wrong. The guy told me he will go to work to save money and now he just tell me that no.. he can’t come and he keeps tricking me saying that he’s doing everything so his family accepts me and the other day says he doesn’t want to know about me?? where is the responsibility of the marriage? I’m the first wife and I’m sure. I seriously think they should not allow them to fly here or at least come once they are already marry with their wife. that is pure irresponsibility and the government should respond or do something.

  29. Ryan

    Just be honest and accept that both of you and him are responsible for this problem. You should have known the outcomes from having sex, and it leading to pregnancy. But I don’t blame you because in america people are used to having bastards, and ending up supporting them and getting married afterwards because of having a child. But saudi’s unlike you have to sacrifice humiliation and abandonment from their whole family back home, because of them committing adultery, and it leading them into a death sentence because of it. You have to learn the little factors and options they have. It’s either: Never see their family again, and have no support what so ever in a foreign country, or abandonment. But his mistake was committing such an act of “Sin” in the first place, and what he should have done was at least secretly support you and the child with financial problems. He and you were foolish but more him because, he knew he couldn’t stay committed to such a problem.

    I am a half Saudi / half American. So I know much about these subjects. And thank God my parents got married first 🙂

    • I am also glad your parents got married first that way you never will have to know what it feels like to have someone call you or your child a bastard.
      In one line you say be honest you were both to blame but in the next you are quick to point out how it is not the mans fault because of his culture, but you are right women should know better than to fall for a helpless man who had no idea sex out of marriage could cause children. Not to worry though saudi men will be forgiven all the sins of abandoning the child they helped make and the women will be shames for having sex outside of marriage.
      I dont give two squirts what these men have to go through when family finds out about the child that was abandoned abroad. THEY should of thought about that before entering into a sexual relationship. The women bare the cross of being a single mother and these men bear the cross of being found out. The only ones innocent here are the children and some like yourself call them bastards ……..You are a class act!!

  30. Me

    Ryan you may be well versed in these subjects but your poor lack of respect is apparent. Labeling people you don’t know “bastards” just reinforces class ignorance in that just because one’s parents are married then they are automatically better. Yes you are correct it does take TWO to tango but what you fail to realize is that often many of these women are very young when they meet these Saudi guys who are much older. Many of them even lie about their age to the women saying they’re younger than they actually are. These men are relentless in chasing these girls and promise the sun moon and stars. Mistakes happen but these men know better. Nevertheless a life is a life and you are nobody to judge. That “bastard” someday might grow up to be someone of great help and or influence to humanity so your generalization holds no weight. Just because ones parents are married before one is born doesn’t necessarily mean the product of that marriage will come out with any ounce of intellect or reason.

  31. Faroug…the difference between the Amer-asian kids and the Amer-Saudi kids is that the Asians have the ability to obtain information about the parent or even travel to the US. The absentee Saudi parent may as well be in outer space!

  32. I really need help!!

    I am Saudi guy who fall in love with Polish girl. She become a Muslim from herself and we were dating and now I wanna get married with her., few days ago she discovered that she become pregnant. Both of us were happy but we scared in same time and I am really worried about the baby and how can she live with me in Saudi Arabia while it is really difficult from the ministry of interior and the regulations because I have read that my age should be 35.

    I hope someone will be able to help me or give me any advice..!!

  33. I really need help!!

    Thank you for supporting us.. I already sent you an e-mail

  34. Got it hopefully my reply went through alright

  35. UmAbdulMalik

    Any Idea about how to get me and my kids out of Saudi? I moved here with my Saudi husband and now he is a monster.. totally different person than the man i married. We have two kids and i just want to go home and he is refusing to let us leave.. ever 😦

    I KNOW Saudi men..who have children in the US and refuse to bring them or acknowledge them, but i also know Saudi men who truly love their american wives and have amazing families here. There are two sides to every coin. They aren’t all bad, most are just scared of the consequences because here in KSA its a SERIOUS crime to lose your passport, imagine if you fornicate or have an affair… its literally punishable by death. Not an excuse at all just hoping to shed a little light on a very difficult subject.

  36. Josee

    I’m a Canadain girl who got into a relionship with a Saudi who was on a student visa. About 3 months in the relionship I got pregent and he wanted me to get an abortion I said ok but when I called I couldn’t I hung up on the abortion clinic. He cried and got so angry he kept telling me e wanted to kill himself because of this shame that was in my stomach. I couldn’t understand how this baby was such a shame afterall he was my first an his first baby. He told his family. His brother called me and attaked me over the phone asking me what am I going to do with this baby. I told him I will raise nomatter what. His sisters called me a slut. His own father told him that he had enough grandchildren he didn’t need this one. How could he let his family talk like that about his own child. He ended up marrying me at the mosque for halal reasons I said yes ofcourse because I’m stupid. He told me that when his school is done he is leaving. And we will be divorced. I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. My relionship with him is done there’s nothing left between us but this child. He is so distance from me and his son and he keeps telling me I destroyed his life and his future and our baby is nothing but a mistake. He regrets meeting me and everyday I go through this, arguing over and over , crying because I don’t know what the future holds for my son and for child support he says he will pay 200$ that’s all because he has no job ! What an 200$ buy my son ? Nothing it will all be up to me to support him. And full custody he won’t give me full custody . His excuse for not staying in Canada is ” he promised his family that he would marry a Saudi woman from his viallge and have kids with her ” and he still is going to do that. So while my son who is such a shame on his and his selfish family had no father he will still be going on with his own future not caring about how his son will feel about not having a dad. I read most of the people on this site is Ameracain but if anyone is from Ottawa Ontario or Canada and has gone through this or anyone to this matter please give me some advice because I feel so alone in this and I don’t know what to do.

    Josee

    • A REAL Canadian

      Hi “Josee” or “Lisa” or whatever name you are going by today. No Canadian speaks with the bad English and grammar like you do. Stop pretending to be a pregnant Canadian girl when you’re actually a Saudi guy studying in Ottawa. Maybe it’s your DREAM you’re “pregnant” but shut up already with your psychotic claims aleady, geez…

      • Salima Al-Hamid

        Actually you wrong, many Canadians cannot speak/write in English because French is first language. Accept responsibility for our sad KSA morals.

    • Cory

      leave him be and never look back, best advice!

  37. My ex husband is Saudi. I divorced him after 12 years of marriage. It was very hard to live with him. He was childish and controlling. My son is 21 now and just moved from Saudi Arabia to live with me and attend college here. he likes it here and I am praying that he stays here.

  38. Josee

    To the REAL CANADAIN Person who replied to my comment. . How dare you say that about my comment. Sounds like you have something against the whole thing with Saudis. Anyways my point is yes I had bad grammar in that paragraph but that does NOT make me a lier. I did have a son with a Saudi ! I came here to speak about it. I don’t need your rudeness ! a REAL Canadain would know FREEDOM OF SPEECH !

  39. karl lumbardi

    first off , my heart goes out to you ladies who suffer from such issues . i am a father and i know how difficult it is to raise a child alone when you are not financially ready , but you have to realise that those young guys you were dating are mostly in their 20’s i would say ! at this age majority of men are only looking for sex and fun in relationships, when girls are looking for security by having kids and making a family and fun also.
    i am a saudi in my late 40’s now and i remember when i was in my early 20’s , all i cared about was enjoying life by partying and have sexual relationships but never ever comitment ! having kids was never on my list of interests.
    so i hope the picture is clear now.
    i hope i didn’t offend anybody by saying that.

    i have a request for those who write in arabic, please do not.
    as this is an article started by a lady who writes in english , so please write in english ,courtesy to her.

  40. Almashayekhi

    Thanks for putting up this blog, you should title it “what is it like to have a relationship with a saudi guy”

    Since whatever happened was totally expected. Simply, our norms is to get married and then have kids, no sex before marriage for sure.

    So when those guys travel to the U.S. or any western country, “some” of them will be dying to have fun and get laid.

    Don’t expect anything beyond that. There is no way in hell he is gonna marry you, and if he did, chances you will be living miserable just as the other married women described.

    Just to lighten your mood a bit, I can assure you that living in SA is probably an enough punishment! And I’m not kidding!

    This country is probably the worst place on earth to live in, no human rights, people are being driven by culture like sheeps and no freedom whatsoever…

    Btw this has nothing to do with religion, since Islam prohibits having sex before getting married, so by not doing that, they have no right of using religion as an excuse since they obviously don’t follow it to begin with.

  41. أنا ضد كل شخص يفعل الحرام و ينجب بالحرام, أو يتزوج زواج مؤقت و يترك أطفاله عند كفار
    بس علشان نكون واقعيين..ليش الإمريكيين مركزين على السعوديين؟؟
    يعني الإمريكية إلي تبيع شرفها علشان واحد عزمها على غداء ماعليها حرج , ماتفهم؟؟,
    معظم الأطفال الإمريكيين الي تخلى عنهم أبائهم هم من رجال إمريكيين وليسوا من سعوديين..
    ليش مايتكلموا عن رجالهم في الأول..

  42. Proud Saudi Daughter

    Hi guys,

    I am half Saudi from my dad’s side. We are Najdi and live in the eastern region. Do not generalize all Saudi men. My dad is the greatest guy I’ve ever met.
    He was our dad and our mom and our friend all at the same time. He showered everyone with love and kindness. I am proud to be Saudi because of him. He works all the time to provide for all of us (at his current age and condition) Mainly, because my younger brother and sister are still young. It makes me so sad to read all of this I am literally in tears.

    My dad was there every single time my mom wasn’t I am not saying that she isn’t a good person but truth be told she isn’t a good mom. Lets just say her heart wasn’t in it the whole time.
    My dad was always a strong dependable shoulder to cry on every time my mom shut us out.
    There is a lot more to say about my mom that would convince you all but am not even going to go there. Lets just say I’d rather not have her in our lives.
    My dad is pure Saudi born and raised not educated even. But he is a true gentleman I doubt there are many left anywhere not only in Saudi.
    I have 2 female co-workers an American and a Bulgarian who were abandoned by their fathers and they are not Saudi. I have many other mixed Saudi friends they are all feel the same way as I do.

    So again do not generalize.

    • Mina

      Hello Proud Saudi daughter how are you?
      I also live in SA.I really love saudi people they seem extremely hospitable ,kind and loving!I am bulgarian as origin and really enjoy
      Saudi Arabia.It’s beautiful country with rich culture and Saudi people are really lovely!I very rarely saw anyone being rude to me but guess what I don’t give up until they don’t become my friend!I don’t like someone to have bad opinion of me so I spread cheers with being kind and persisting!Anyways as I said is rare to see someone being rude!Saudi Arabia is amazing place !We really should open our mind for saudi people are friendly and wonderful!

  43. Pingback: Intercultural Marriage between Saudis and Americans | Across Cultures

  44. Pingback: Intercultural marriage between Saudis and Americans | Israel, America, and the Middle East

  45. info@awasser.org.sa

    Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
    Riyadh 11623
    P. O. Box: 90560
    Tel: 920004949
    Fax: 92005959
    Int. Fax: 00966-11-2402349
    E-Mail: info@awasser.org.sa

  46. Jakson

    Well this happens a lot not only with Saudis. Even with white Americans who were bornd and raised here. For a person from another country, there’s lot of men and woman that marry for citizenship and green card and leave their spouses and kids behind, especially Africans. It’s unfortunate thing to happen.
    In your case you were not even married to him so you didn’t enter a legitimate relationship with the guy. It was just a random unplanned relationship that resulted in a kid and his father didn’t want him. Perhaps you should had asked him if he wanted the kid before getting pregnant or maybe considered abortion. If you marry a person from overseas, you should think about the possibility that he or she may not help the child. That’s bad.

    I also noticed some stupid and prejudice comments here. For instance, “marry a non Saudi” person! Really? This’s a generalization. You are basically saying that every non Saudi husband is good husband and every Saudi husband is bad husband

  47. Jakson

    This’s not a case of a nationality, it is a case of a father that didn’t want a kid. This’s pretty common thing even with white Americans

  48. Logical

    So sad!! Bad times!! First, these people — both the parents, not only the Saudi guy because both are equally responsible — should not have got kids without a marriage contract. Second, possibly the guys had in mind that in US there are so many single mothers and it is not something very uncommon in the US society that fathers abandon their kids and leave them to their moms. However, it is not understandable, why this much hue and cry when Saudis are involved. It is not something unknown to the US society. There are so many single mothers having children from American, Mexican, Black, etc etc etc.

  49. Jessica

    64% of American marriages end up failing most of them in a brutal way with non- Saudi husbands. So save the bashing. A lot of you are users not only to Saudi husbands but to Americans to. When the Saudi husbands do will they get used , abusd, and taken advantage of.
    And the way some of the comments are , make it sound like all American guys are perfect when the beat their wife’s abuse them and even killing them. I know a lot of Saudi guys who gave their life up completely to take of their U.S. families. And all they get is bashing. ( allot are happily living ) .

    And notice all the ones on this site are asking for money that’s all. If they have it the would not even care even if the kid looking for his dad .
    Stop bashing Saudis I know them and know them well they are great people.
    A lot of American girls want everything to be someone else’s fault while deep inside they know they are wrong.
    I know a lot of American girls that are awesome to .
    I disagree with all men abanded their kids .

  50. Heather

    Is this blog still active?

  51. Heather

    He keeps me a secret from his dad, and lied about it. He makes me stay quiet when his family calls and I am around. I’ve never talked to his mom on Skype or phone, because he makes me stay out of sight when she calls, but he says she know about me, and she does send me gifts. She is also a foreigner, non- Saudi but an Arab. His dad hates American culture, and won’t let his sisters study here. My boyfriend is now telling me I’m selfish and racist for not wanting to move to Saudi with him. I am not pregnant, but once the topic of pregnancy came up and he “joked” that he would make me get an abortion. Some joke….

    Something feels so fishy, which hurts to say because we’ve been together a long time. My far-right family doesn’t help, they too say it’s comeuppance, and tell me I’m sinful for not dating a Christian, etc. etc. not supportive or caring at all.

    I do hope this blog is still active, I could use guidance as no one in my life seems to understand what I’m going through.

    • Heather

      Forgot the first part to my story; oops. I’ve been with a Saudi student for 3 years.

  52. Selina Mannion

    heather I could give you an interesting story.

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